The Great Rollercoaster of our Mind Sludge

                                                  The Great Rollercoaster of our Mind Sludge

By HLFĀS

 

My mind sludge is racing in every direction but forward.

How about yours?

Spinning and jumping, reaching in desperation to make sense of this…feeling. This stasis. Or, maybe chaos?

That’s how sludged up it is.

How about yours?

A constant flow of confusion and paralysis, diverting away any rational thought and guiding it into an infinite loop.

My brain is filled with useless, sludgy information. Not the bon kind like pro wrestler title reigns or guest stars on Saved by the Bell, but the kind congealed with other brains’ neuroses, and spewed with reckless abandon or crude technology suiting only the tragically neurotic and narcissistic.

Where does it end?

Do we spin ourselves into oblivion as we, uncritically, gaze at our sludgy navels?

As we obsess over the minutiae of every interaction and perceived offence and offender.

As we hurl ourselves into the gooey abyss of self interest over all else.

***

I miss the days when I didn’t know what you were thinking.

The fresh mystery of allowing your sludge to be you and my sludge to be me.

When together we could merge our sludge at our own pace, love each other for it (in that moment alone) and then part, having become better for it.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

“Any time. That was fun!” 

Remember?

***

I am now confronted by a constant, sludgy barrage of “it’s the way it is”, that I am forced to accept.

A young minded brain’s indiscriminate phlegm has infiltrated my own cranium’s protective conscious layer.

Sludge that.

“It’s the way it is” because the world is dominated by the interests of corporate business.

“It’s the way it is” because the political system has folded in on itself so many times it is unrecognizable. An origami with no beginning , no end and so many dark, unknown places that it has become forgotten in the sludge of its own existence.

“It’s the way it is” because we are no longer meant to ask the questions when the answers implicate those in power.

“It’s the way it is” because, as humans, we have given in to the idea that MY sludge is more important than YOUR sludge.

 

My house.

 

My money.

 

My struggle.

 

My deep seeded insecurities.

 

My rage.

 

My happiness.

 

My mask.

***

But, you see, it does not have to be “the way it is”.

We can decide to evolve instead of devolve.

We can resist the urge to sink into the dank pit of self-interest.

We can make the choice to think critically for your heart’s sake and our sludgy wellness.

It has to stop. My spinning mind can no longer hang on.

This brain is a child strapped in a roller coaster.  Gripping with fingernail and knuckle, fearing for its life and realizing it’s on a machine of pure destructive possibility.

One wrong move…

Crash.

 

  -HLFĀS

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